I went for an hour long walk today, bundled up in my scarf and gloves. I made mental notes of the shops I’ll need to visit and then made my way to the Water of Leith Walkway where the air was fresh, the ground was muddy, and the wind blew my hair in every direction. I saw a grey squirrel, perfectly perched in a tree. I saw families, and couples, and friends, and people on bikes.
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I’m sorry; You Didn’t Deserve That
I’ve been thinking a lot and I owe you an apology. When I think about how I made you feel, I shake my head in disbelief, feeling sick to my stomach that I treated you so poorly and with such a lack of respect and compassion.
I’m sorry that I made you question your worth and doubt that you were deserving of pleasure and joy, kindness and rest. I am sorry that I pushed you so hard and made you feel like you could enjoy yourself only when you reached the ridiculously high standards you set.
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A Character in my Story
It’s a rather dismal Monday night in September (a strange month for me back in the day because I would be excited for school to start while simultaneously deeply wistful that summer should be coming to an end. I have since come to learn that we, as a society, are very prone to an “either-or” mentality when it’s perfectly acceptable to think “both-and”. IE: We are allowed to feel two conflicting things and that was very comforting for me to realize and greatly reduced a lot of my inner turmoil).
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What I Thought of ‘Normal People’
Normal People by Sally Rooney is a book that came to me highly recommended from friends, the internet, and even President Obama.
A quote on the cover from The Washington Post says, “A novel that demands to be read compulsively, in one sitting.”
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The Secret Lives in Kitchens
Morning. The coffee is brewing, and Hall & Oates are singing, and the door to the back porch is open, letting in that cool, almost-September breeze. I like these quiet mornings when I’m the only one home. It almost feels like playing house – the way I used to when I was little. Except now it’s real.
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More Than…
There are a few remaining rays of August sunshine left and I’m sitting with my back to the window, letting myself soak it all in. I don’t do that enough. Soak things in, I mean. When I read books, I feel like I’m sometimes too motivated by needing to know what happens that I don’t savor every word, sentence, paragraph. And when I eat, I feel like I want to try everything, so I chew quickly, so that nothing runs out before I’ve had the chance. And when I walk, I stride with purpose, propelled forward by some invisible force.
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These Moments, Too
I hear a plane flying above me, somewhere in the pure sky. There are birds chirping, somewhere in the trees. And in between all these things, somewhere in the deep folds of the universe, there’s me. I’m not doing anything spectacular – not jumping on overnight bus journeys and waking up in new cities, or trying new foods with names I can’t pronounce, or climbing volcanoes at sunrise – I’m just here, quietly existing in my own little way.
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The Danger in Being Too Positive
I’ve lived most of my life trying to see the good in everything. With a sense of pride, I don my rose-coloured glasses, celebrating the accomplishment that against all odds, I didn’t become jaded or cynical like other grown-ups.
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28 Years Later
Today is June 28th. I turned 28 years old at the beginning of the month, something that came and went like an old friend who so comfortably walks through the door without saying hello and leaves without saying goodbye. That is to say, I didn’t really think about turning older this year. It somehow just happened.
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Things I Learned Growing Up 